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Four Tips for Navigating the Art of Relating amidst the Chaos

Updated: Jul 2



Hi there queers and comrades! It is Jason Wyman (aka Queerly Complex) coming to you with a another art video.

(I have some notes here that I took in my handy dandy notebook because I didn't want to lose my place.)

For those of you that I am just getting connected to: I practice the art of relating to oneself, each other, and the Cosmic Mysteries, which means frequently, things happen or unfold in my life, and I take a lot of time in my own interiority reflecting on: What are the insights? What is the wisdom? What are the practices that are unfolding in space and time that can help me walk a path towards liberation from systems, beliefs, patterns and behaviors that keep us trapped in cycles of shame or domination or oppression? In other words, how do we walk towards walk and practice our own liberation in this moment, right here and now because everything around us doesn't want to.

So...with that being said, I have been reflecting on Pride Month. And there was a lot that happened in my life this last June, including coming out as polyamorous, including having to navigate my and my business partners way out of a client relationship that just wasn't at the time working for a variety of reasons. But there was just something kind of stuck in that. And then also having new business partnerships, and that just being pride and having a lot of incredible queer and trans community this entire frickin month. So... Here are some insights that I have, as I'll reflect on those things.


The first insight that I wanted to share with you right now, is that clarity is really freaking fleeting, right now. Everyone, not everyone, a lot of people are using similar or the same words. And yet, we all have different definitions of those words. Or we see the world in a way, and we think when we say that we see the world in a certain way that other people understand what we mean. and therefore, we're actually understanding one another. And what I've realized is that, given the incredible chaos that is all around us, that we actually don't totally understand one another. We think we do, but we actually don't.

And so one of the things that I have learned over the last month is that I really need to be comfortable with curiosity, inquiry, and the unknown. These are places and spaces that I have frequently been comfortable in that I've had to become even more comfortable in over the last month. Whether that be figuring out what I want out of polyamory, or what polyamory or openness means to me because it means something different to actually everyone. (Note: It's not something that has a universal definition, and anyone who says that there's a universal definition, to me, is lying or providing a sense of falsehood because we each have to grapple with it ourselves in order to actually understand it for our own beings as each of us is unique and different and understands things differently thanks to families, cultures, traditions, space-time, so many different things.)

And so, you know, whether it be polyamory. Whether it be the parameters of political organizing, and how we're actually coming together to make decisions, political decisions together in order to try to take political action. Or whether that be, you know, for myself even and understanding how to have this conversation about polyamory and openness with my husband, or with other folks that I'm dating or seeing or fucking around with.

So, for me, clarity is fleeting, and figuring out how we have clarity between people that are different, includes a need for curiosity, inquiry, and just becoming comfortable with the unknown and not having to insert my own definition or my own understanding on someone else. Letting my understanding be my own, and letting someone else's understanding and definition be there and being okay that, for right now, we might not actually have understanding that actually may actually be okay.


The second thing that I am discovering is that right now everything takes longer. Absolutely everything takes longer. See reference: the chaos all around us is absolutely everywhere, all of the time. And we still have to try to get some shit done. Like, that's just also reality that even amidst the chaos and confusion, we still have to make progress, especially for those of us in movement or, or in political organizing, or trying to liberate our beings from all of these systems that have been harming and oppressing us. We want to make progress. And yet timelines aren't what they were.

So one of the things that I've learned with in this particular space of everything taking longer is actually I need to adjust or release my expectations of what and how I don't need to release my expectations of why I'm doing something. And that to me has been the real clarity is that the WHY can remain steadfast but the what and how is really going to have to change. Not everything happens in the timelines that I think it's going to happen. And if I am in relation with my own interiority or my own being, if I am relation with other people or other beings, if I in relation with the cosmos, that all of those things have different timelines and understanding of space and time. And so if I truly want to be in community, and in relation with all of these things, it is not only my timeline. Or it's not only my what and how. It definitely is my why. The what and the how needs to be malleable. It needs to be able to be informed by new information, new understanding new insight, new wisdom that comes to me as I sit with curiosity, inquiry and the unknown.


The third one on this kind of gets to the why is: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOUR FUCKING VALUES? And for me, what the fuck are my fucking values? I have been exploring my own core and personal values for almost 20 years now. I've always kind of done it. But I intentionally set down a path about 20 years ago to dig into my own core values and let my values really try to guide my decision making in my life. Kind of can't bleieve that I can say that, but yeah, it's been about 20 years that I've been, I've been doing it.

And that includes, you know, knowing what my values are as like loose terms like openness as a value of mine. Being open is a value of mine. But I also need to understand a little bit about not just the word but what its definition is and how I practice that particular value. Because understanding here, the what and the how, of my own why allows me the ability to (in that previous one with everything taking longer and adjusting expectations) allows me to actually adjust my expectations of what and how. Because, again, if I focusing on the why for myself, and I can articulate the what and the how for myself when I go into relations with others, including my own being (you know, my own being is both this internal thing and sometimes we think of it as this like third entity that we can be in dialogue with right like we think of the inner monologue, even though the inner monologue as us we think about the inner monologue as something that's going back and forth between me and me, basically, right? And so that is actually a relation that's an exchange that's actually happening.) And so, if I understand the why my own wire value and then the what and the how underneath that I can be in better dialogue about changes about compromise about how we do this collectively. Whether about collective be the collective mes, or whether the collective be me and other relations or other beings, or whether the collective be me and this great big cosmos that we all reside with it. Understanding what I mean by and how I want to practice my values allows me to make better assessments about where and how to compromise in relation with others.


And then the last thing that I really want to share in terms of an insight is to really, truly practice presence. I have had an incredible gift this entire month, I have been doing something called Dream Retreats, virtual Dream Retreats with AllThrive Education, on behalf of Sierra Health Foundation, or The Center at Sierra Health Foundation for folks that have been working in COVID vaccine equity across the state of California. I had one on the 31st of May. I had one on the 14th of June. And again on the 21st of June.

These dream retreats are virtual, and they provide space and time for folks working in COVID vaccine equity to just sit and be with themselves in the here and now. And through the here and now access all that can before, all that is possible, all of our ancestors, and all of our descendants. Part of that work has been somatics work, led by Wendy Martinez Marroquin, who is the Co-Founder of AllThrive Education and the person that brought me in to help do these retreats.

Connecting with literally my physical body, somatics (aka this flesh stack) has really allowed me the opportunity to practice presence this month. You know, as chaos erupts around us more and more and more, for me at least, it triggers both depression and anxiety. Depression in terms of, you know, that weird nostalgia that happens when we think about what came before and how we might long for something that came before. And anxiety about the future or what the future might hold or where I'm going or what my goal is or, "I thought I was going to be doing this my life at this particular time." But that anxiety is a future anxiety. It's an anxiety about the future. And so one way that I have found to really tame or tap down or maybe even contain a little bit both my depression around what came before and my anxiety around what is possible is by connecting to my my physiology, my literal physiology in this moment in time and space. And somatics, breathwork, bodywork, really great solo sex, has all really helped me become into tune with just literally this. And when I am in more presence, I can let go of the anxiety and I can let go of the depression, and I can actually get comfortable with curiosity, inquiry on the unknown.


So that is some of the insights that I've had over the last month of Pride. And I just want to shout out some folks that have really, truly helped me in finding these insights. Because one of the things that's really important to me is that I live and I reflect. I live, and I reflect. And in that reflection, I find wisdom. Wisdom that can help living be more present. And there are people, there are other relations, that have really, truly helped me with this this last month. So I, in an act of deep affirmation, want to affirm and acknowledge some amazing people this last month.

First, I want to recognize my husband John O'Riellly, and my lover (my fellow trollop) Keval. Yes, thank you. I want to acknowledge a lot of the folks that I co create with everyone from Crystal Mason, my business partner to Fivestar to Wendy Martinez Morroquin and Jasmine and Vane with AllThrive Education. I want to recognize and affirm all of the people that Crystal and I've been working with the African American Art & Culture Complex over this last month as well and moving into this new fiscal year. I want to recognize and affirm everyone with the Race and Equity in All Planning Coalition in the work that we've been doing, doing political organizing with them, cultural political organizing with them. I want to recognize Lord of Thunder, LT, Fivestar again and Polly and Dusty for all of the work that we did on the filthy unconference for years and fixtures in gathering our community together in presence, curiosity, inquiry, and the the unknown (an unconference is like literally the unknown.) So thank you for that.

And I'm sure that there are lots of other people that have helped me Oh, in the cosmos, some places that I really want to affirm and acknowledged is the ocean. Thank you ocean for being, for the gifts of your saltiness and your tide and your depths. The ocean is something that always gives me perspective. It's the perspective that I want to thank. To the lengthening days and the short, short, shorter nights it's been nice to have the sun around and to feel warm up my skin and to feel more present as a result.

That's all I've got.

I am curious, if you've made it to the end of this very fucking long video,: What insights revelations or wisdom have you experienced? Maybe in the last day or the last week, maybe even the last month? Or maybe even in your lifetime? What wisdom and insight comes to you in your reflection?

Ciao for now.

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