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Unforgetting: A Bundle of Sticks' Love, A Queer Polyamory Love Story

Deep gratitude to Patty Krawec and Roxanne Dunbar-Ortiz for introducing me to the concept of Unforgetting in Krawec's book Becoming Kin.

Here's some big news: I am polyamorous.

After 19 years of monogamy with my beautiful husband John, we have (and are still) renewed (renewing) and reaffirmed (reaffirming) what our love means to each of us individually, collectively, and plurally. It's included a series of deeply connected / connecting conversations, learning how not to fix or take on the emotions of others, being raw and vulnerable with my be-ing, my husband, and the cosmos, and a whole bunch of f*gg*try. It has guided me / us to a much deeper commitment to one another and to fully living our truths.

For me, that's included reevaluating how and whom I love, which has opened up possibilities of even deeper relations with some people in my life. One is a new love, Keval, a guiding light, who has opened me up to understanding what openness feels like and how to express my own f*gg*try. Another is my love for my business partner Crystal Mason, which has grown immensely because our conversations and co-creation have become even more deeply personal and transformative. I have also renewed my commitment to express my profound love to my family of choice and for comrades walking paths towards liberation.

Core to all of this is a practice of cultivating relational belonging. One person that is helping me understand the ancestral nuances of this practice is Patty Krawec through her book Becoming Kin. She writes, "Belonging involves a reciprocity of claiming and being claimed, of responsibility to the community and the community's responsibility to me. Of seeing and being seen."

She continues, "Being good relatives means claiming your own ancestors--all of them. When you know who you are, when you are comfortable with who you are, you can enter into relationship with us rather than as us. ... Becoming kin means forming relationships that connect our communities."

And, "Being a settler or a colonizer is not something you are; it is something you do. It describes your relationship to this land and the people in it. ... Solidarity is actions we take that put us on the side of the oppressed and not the oppressor..."

Over the last six months, I've had the honor, privilege, and responsibility to reexamine how I relate to those closest to me and what these intimate relations tell me / reveal to me about how I also relate to the art and change I am co-creating with others. This reexamination is unbinding my love, and it is helping me unforget my f*gg*t ancestors, who since the dawn of creation have loved fearlessly and transformed radically.

It is through this ancestral connection, conversation, and camaraderie that I can best continue walking a path towards liberation from all systems, patterns, and behaviors of oppression, shame, domination, subjugation, and punishment. And it is what liberates me in this here and now, reaffirming my lasting love for my husband John, my new love for Keval, and my commitment to co-creation with Crystal, Wendy, Vane, Rupy, Sindhu, Anne Carol, and all my comrades.

Below is a video I posted originally on Instagram and some photos of queer love.

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