Who I Am Is Who Am I: a Dive into My Queer Cosmos through Queer Art School

A Spark of Collective Introspection

Last July, I was part of a radical experiment in peer-based education and mutual support called Queer Art School. Queer Art School widens ideas and opens up access for those who, for reasons of race, class, gender, age, disabilities or other oppressive systems, have been left out and denied the confidence, recognition, and support to name themselves and be seen as a queer artist. It troubles notions of gatekeeping and teacher-student power dynamics by fostering cross-generational artistic relationships that honor knowledge transmission among & between artists at every stage of their practice, regardless of age, education, or how long they have named themselves as an artist. It was an honor to be among a cohort of 11 artists, who spent three weekends exploring who they be in this great big cosmos and sharing their art and being with others. I was transformed. 

One activity we did was "Who am I?" We invited artists to focus in on the here and now as a portal for exploration. We also shared some simple prompts that can get juices flowing. Artists could create in any medium. Whatever they created would be shared with their peers. They could provide context or not. They were in complete control. 

It is important to me that whatever I ask of others, I also ask of myself. So I took the opportunity to really dig into who I am here and now on July 22, 2023, on Yelamu, which is also called San Francisco.

Here & Now Directions Emerge 

I start by creating an altar on my coffee table. To lay it out, I use a map that's helping me understand the relationships and dynamics of how I make meaning of the chaos of this cosmos. I then lay nine runes on top of the various positions on my map, and encircle it with the remaining 16 runes. I turn each of the nine runes over and pondered their meanings, positions, relations, and dynamics.

Then, I grab my phone and snap photos of the altar and each of the runes. The phone's camera lens acts as a filter, creating both a flattening of the image and an opportunity to see things anew. I go back and forth between the photo and the altar seeing what I notice in each. I let my being seek connection wherever it resides. 

Next, I pick up my iPad and start mapping my reflection. I ask myself, "who am I," and they respond, "Who I am is who am I." They know me too well; this sparks further questions. 

My pencil races furiously over the iPad, and questions, symbols, and maps unfurl. This is so familiar, this spiraling into and out of self. Everything flows so effortlessly it feels almost like mania. But it is not mania. It is spirit finding its way out through my hand and into the spirals and words offering insight into the here and now of July 22, 2023, on Yelamu, which is also San Francisco. 

We Dance Our Beings Into Existence 

The slideshow below is what I shared with my peers at Queer Art School on July 22, 2023, from Yelamu, which is also San Francisco, and sharing it with them brought immense joy for I knew I was with my tribe. I did not need to explain or defend who I am. I was given space to express my being, and it was received with grace. All of me was received with grace. This, to me, is the deep power of queer and trans artists: we have the power to create our beings and our realities individually and collectively. 

Queer Art School is a manifestation of what is possible when we co-create something by, for, and with our fellow Black, Indigenous, brown, immigrant, disabled, white-allied, poor, young and old queer and trans artists across geographies. They follow in the tradition of Temporary / Queer Autonomous Zones, Pedagogy of the Oppressed, and Each One, Teach One models. Nothing about it is new or innovative. Rather, it is sitting together in circle around the fire talking story. It is mutuality in action, which we experience as queer love. It is an expanding of our collective queer cosmos, both folding and unfolding.

Queer Art School answers, "Who am I," with "Who I am is who are we is who am I is who are we." It is a dance of meaning making, of finding our beings and each other, of connecting with something beyond our singular self. 

So let's (continue to) dance (and keep dancing). 

An Introspection on Mapping to Remain Grounded

Mapping is a tool I've been using since I started working with my peers as a teen in high school. In my 20s, mapping guided the development of the Youth Development Peer Network / Youth Worker: Collective and helped us co-create peer-based models of training, community safety planning, literacy, and media campaigns. I began intentionally using mapping in my exploration of how I understand and make meaning of the cosmos during Be Jason, a fully immersive and participatory installation of Jason Wyman's 42 years of being at Black & White Projects. Through this application  (or praxis), I have come to understand there is a paradoxical nature to mapping.

Mapping is a tool of colonization. The USA-specific visual representation and cultural understanding of a "map" is deeply colonized and a map created by someone raised within the USA education system cannot break free of this colonizing mindset; it is conditioned into being. It is also a form of way finding and meaning making, which is something humans across all of space and time have and will continue to engage(d) in. 

There is a reason that in each section I mention a date and a location. This is my attempt to call attention to a momentary observation of my cosmos at a specific here and now. Its insights / revelations / wisdoms / illuminations are fleeting, even for me, and to engage with them calls one to take a moment for introspection into being. For to simply consume these maps means you are simply swallowing colonization.

I request that anyone reading this post here and now take actions that do not consciously or unconsciously move closer in proximity to colonization. So please use this only as a guide, as prompts, as a point on your path that aids in you better understanding your being and cosmos and the relations and dynamics betwixt it all.